


Not Now, Boner

by Chash



Series: If You Need Us [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Labyrinth Fusion, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 17:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4674629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bellamy Blake, in a fit of annoyance, accidentally gets his sister kidnapped by goblins and has thirteen hours to get her back, while trying not to be weirdly into the Goblin Queen. Because, seriously, she looks like she stepped out of a bad eighties music video, what the hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Now, Boner

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to flonkertons, queen of excellent "Not now, boner" Bellamy Blake gif sets, for the title.

Bellamy can't deny that the whole thing is ridiculous.

Of course it's fucking ridiculous. It's _unbelievably_ fucking ridiculous. But the emphasis there is on _unbelievable_ , because, really, how could he have known it would actually _work_?

It's Friday night and Bellamy is--as always--stuck at home with his little sister. Bellamy loves Octavia, he really does. She's five years old and sharp as a tack, stubborn and opinionated and uncompromising. Those are all things he adores about her.

But it can also kind of suck.

"Read it again, Bell!"

"No, go to sleep."

"I'm not tired, I want to hear it again!"

"You should be tired. It's past your bedtime."

"But it's _Saturday_ tomorrow. Mom never cared if I stayed up late on Saturday."

It's true, but it makes Bellamy see red. Not only is Octavia using their dead mother in her argument about bedtimes, she's also reminding him that she wasn't a great mom in the first place, and now he has all this shitty parenting to correct.

He's only twenty, fucking seriously. This is not where he's supposed to be with his life.

"And Mom never cared if I went out and had a fuc--had a life on Friday, so it sucks for both of us, okay?" He slams the book shut. "Go to sleep, Octavia."

She shrinks away from him, and he almost regrets his words. But then her eyes flash, and she says, "I never told you to take me. I never asked."

"Maybe I should just give you to the goblins, then," he sneers.

"Maybe you should!"

He taps the book. "What was it? _Goblin King, Goblin King_ \--"

"Bell!"

"Take this ungrateful child away so I can have some fucking fun for once--"

"I hate you!" Octavia shouts. "I hate you, I hate you!"

He scrubs his face. "Look, I was kidding, O. I'm sorry." 

But it's too late. She keeps shouting it, over and over, a mantra, and he finally leaves, slamming the door behind him and slumping back against it. "Fuck." 

"I hate you!"

"I wish the goblins _would_ come and take you away," he mutters, dark, too quiet for her to hear.

"I hate you!"

"Right now."

And then, silence.

It's a coincidence, of course. Octavia couldn't possibly have heard him. She just got tired of shouting. They've had plenty of fights, both before their mom died and since. But that was a bad one.

Her voice probably hurts. Shouting always wears her out. He goes downstairs and gets her some water, since she's already brushed her teeth for the night. He has a glass himself too, and then feels a fresh wave of guilt and nausea, remembering what he said.

He pours out her water and gets her juice instead. It's fine. Just this once.

"Look, O, I'm really sorry," he starts, pushing her door open. The room is dark and there's a lump in the bed, and he wonders if he's more of an asshole waking her up to apologize, just so he can make himself feel better.

When he thinks of it like that, he definitely is.

He goes over to the bed quietly. Not to wake her up, just to check. To see if she was crying or something.

He's doing his best. He really is. It's only been six months. He's going to get _better_.

Octavia's turned away from him, but there's something off about the scene, long brown hair and small body curled under the sheets. It makes his skin crawl, and he doesn't know _why_. This is how horror movies start. A stupid argument, a dark room, a bad feeling.

"O?" he says, soft, and reaches for her shoulder and--

Jumps back, because that is _not_ a fucking shoulder. He makes a noise that is not particularly cool or manly, and Octavia--whatever's in Octavia's bed--doesn't stir.

He takes a few deep breaths, goes downstairs, grabs their baseball bat, and goes back in. Turns on the light and feels fucking _stupid_ , because everything looks so _normal_.

But the thing in the bed hasn't moved.

"This isn't funny, Octavia," he says, although--if she's somehow messing with him, it _is_ kind of funny. Or at least impressive. It's one hell of a prank, he'll give her that. If she's messing with him. "Wake up."

There's no response, so he grips the bat more firmly, walks back to the bed, and pulls the covers back.

He's not sure what it is he sees--it's a mass of _things_ , strange inhuman bodies writhing, this tangle of fur and teeth and limbs that his brain can't quite put together. He knows that whatever they are, however many of them there are, they all turn to him, laugh, and disappear.

He drops the baseball bat, so apparently his survival instincts are really shitty.

Octavia's bed is empty.

He takes a few deep, careful breaths, trying to reason with himself. So, his sister's bed is empty, but there was _something_ in there. Some _things_. And they laughed at him and vanished.

Okay, fine. That's clearly fucking insane, but whatever. That's what happened. He needs to figure out his next steps. The police seem--not ideal. Because on the one hand, it seems completely irrational to think that asking goblins to steal his sister is actually related to his sister disappearing and her bed being filled with monsters pretending to be her.

On the other hand, it actually seems dumber to assume it's a _coincidence_.

He picks up the baseball bat again and pokes the bed with it, which does absolutely nothing. It's a bed. 

He's about to call Miller, on the grounds that, really, why even _have_ a best friend, if you can't call him up and tell him you think you maybe accidentally got your sister kidnapped by goblins? That's the fucking _definition_ of a best friend.

Then, he remembers the book.

It was his favorite when he was younger, and he's been reading it to Octavia since she was born, because--well, honestly, even before his mother died, Octavia was his responsibility. And it's her favorite book too. 

Assuming he actually somehow got his sister kidnapped by the Goblin King, he knows the drill from that book. He has thirteen hours to find her and save her before she's trapped forever in the Goblin Kingdom. That's how it works.

So he's almost not even surprised when he hears the sound of the window opening and there's--

Okay, it's a really hot girl who looks like she's the lead singer of an eighties hair metal band. She's wearing a _leotard_. With a fluffy cravat. And a cape. It's honestly harder to process than the weird monsters in Octavia's bed. Her blonde hair is teased out and gigantic and her blue eyes are lined with way too much eyeliner and eye-shadow and maybe some glitter and she's got these really high riding boots and the worst part is that it's kind of working for him. She's like someone's acid-wash dominatrix nightmare, and he's actually really into it.

Then he realizes he's definitely staring at the clearly insane person who is standing in his sister's window, so he licks his lips and says, "If you're not the Goblin King, I'm calling the cops." He holds up the baseball bat, for good measure.

"Goblin Queen," she says. "Change in management."

"Right," he says, like this is a normal conversation. Like weird girls from bad eighties music videos show up at his house and make small talk after stealing his sister all the time. "Honestly, you look more like a Goblin Princess. You're a little young to be the queen."

"Do you not understand how lines of succession work?" she asks, glaring at him. "I'm the Goblin Queen. Shut up." Then she seems to remember she's being all regal and mysterious, because she straightens, and fog starts coming in. Honestly, she is the most eighties thing he has ever seen. She comes with her own _fog machine_. "I have your sister."

"I know. I want her back."

"If you didn't want me to take her, you shouldn't have asked."

"I didn't think it would do anything!"

Her expression hardens. "Telling someone you don't want them always does something," she says, and he winces.

"I didn't--" he starts, but cuts himself off. He _did_ mean it, for one terrible second. He wanted someone else to be responsible for her, to just be a kid again himself, free from the burden of caring for his sister.

But just for a second.

"I can get her back," he says instead. "If I solve your labyrinth, right? That's how it works. I can find her and get her back."

She twirls her hand and out of nowhere she's holding two crystal balls, toying with them in her palm, which, first off, _weird_ , but also seriously distracting? This is a crisis situation, he should not be getting turned on watching the stupidly hot Goblin Queen's fingers. Now is not the time to either discover or explore his new and frankly terrifying eighties fetish.

"Yes," says the Queen. "If you solve the labyrinth."

He nods once, setting his jaw. "Okay. What do I do?"

She throws one of the crystal balls into the air and it seems to hit the air behind the window, making it ripple, distort, and he's not looking at the tree outside Octavia's window and the dark night sky anymore, but a red stone labyrinth in the middle of a barren wasteland.

"Step in," says the Goblin Queen.

Bellamy looks around his sister's room, all the decorations they've put up, her books and stuffed animals, all the things that make Octavia herself.

His sister. His responsibility.

"I'm bringing the bat," he tells her, and walks through the window and into the Goblin Kingdom.

*

The first thing Bellamy notices is that the Goblin Kingdom is a lot warmer than their house. It's October back in the real world, but it feels like late spring or early summer here, and the sun is high in the sky. Bellamy shrugs his sweater off and turns to throw it back through the window, but whatever portal that brought them here is already gone.

No going back, apparently.

The Goblin Queen is about ten feet from him, lounging in a mostly dead tree, still absently toying with her remaining ball as she watches him.

"Can you send this home for me?" he asks.

She startles, gaze snapping up to his face, and he thinks she might have been checking out his arms. Which, okay, it's a very serious situation and he's very focused, but it's just a little bit hilarious.

He has trouble placing the Queen's age, mostly because of all the makeup and how distracting her entire look is. But under all the glam and glitter and the weird cravat, he thinks she can't be much more than eighteen. Assuming goblins and/or their queens age in the same way as humans, which, to be fair, might not be a safe assumption. But she comes across as a teenager, someone a few years younger than he is. Someone who desperately wants to be seen as an adult, because she has adult responsibilities.

Or maybe he's just projecting.

"Sorry, what?" asks the Queen.

He holds up the sweater. "Can you send this back home? I'm not going to need it."

"Oh, yeah. Sure." She tosses the other crystal ball toward him, and as it spins, it opens up like it's a living thing, like it's got a _mouth_ , and swallows the sweater. It's--either cool or terrifying. He's going with cool, for his sanity. The Goblin Queen straightens, businesslike again, putting on her royalty like a coat, and gestures grandly to the labyrinth. "So, what do you think? Your sister is at the center of my labyrinth. You have thirteen hours to reach her, or she's mine. Can you do it?"

Bellamy looks out over the vast, horrible maze. It looks huge, but it's not like he has to go all the way through it. He just has to get to the middle.

"Sure," he says, rolling his shoulders, cracking his back, and giving the baseball bat an experimental swing. He doesn't really know what the bat is supposed to do for him, but he does feel better having it. Maybe the walls are really fragile and he can just beat them into submission. "Looks like fun," he adds, to the Goblin Queen.

She raises her weirdly styled eyebrows at him. "Fun?" It's her queen voice, haughty and dismissive, not her surprised kid voice, which was what he was trying for. It's cute when she forgets she's supposed to be scary.

"Yeah," he says. "I like mazes."

She stares at him for a minute, inscrutable, and then says, "I wish you luck, then," and disappears in a flash of her cape.

Who wears a cape, a leotard, and a cravat, seriously? How did that even happen?

It's really not worth thinking about right now. He's got a maze to solve and a sister to rescue, and just thirteen hours to do it in.

He puts the bat on his shoulder and starts for the labyrinth.

The first issue is finding the entrance. He feels like it would have been a basic courtesy to start him off inside the actual labyrinth, but apparently that's not how the Goblin Queen rolls.

It's hot and dry, the kind of climate he's never lived in, and even though he's walking directly toward the gate, it doesn't feel like he's getting _closer_. He tries changing tactics, not walking straight toward the labyrinth, but coming at it from the side, like he's trying to catch it by surprise. Of course, it goes as far as he can see in either direction, so that's--not exactly great.

He pulls out his phone to see if he can call Miller, just for the novelty, but he's got no signal. His battery's full, though, so he gets a countdown going--it's been just about ten minutes, he thinks--and starts up iTunes. If he's going to be trudging through an endless wasteland, he can at least have a soundtrack.

He's got "Bohemian Rhapsody" playing when he hears a voice ask, "Do you have "Who Wants To Live Forever"?"

Bellamy nearly jumps out of his skin and whirls around to find--he thinks it's a girl. It's not a _human_ girl, and he doesn't think it's a goblin girl, but he has no idea what species she actually is. She's very short and kind of wrinkled, with pale yellow hair and small, beady eyes. She's squinting at him, like he's the weird one here.

"What?"

"Who Wants to Live Forever," the girl repeats. "It's from _Highlander_."

"Uh." He pulls out his phone and fumbles with it, getting the song playing.

"Thanks," she says, and goes back to--she seems to be killing weeds with a spray bottle. But she's singing along under her breath.

"Hey, wait!" he says. "Can you tell me how to get into the labyrinth?"

"Why would you want to get in there?" she asks.

"My sister's in there."

"And?"

"And if I don't find her in the next--" He looks at the timer on his phone. "Twelve hours, thirty-six minutes, I'm going to lose her."

"That's fine," says the girl. "She'll just become a goblin. There are worse things to be." She pauses. "Like a troll. You really don't want to be a troll."

Bellamy rubs his face. "Let's just--take it as a given I want my sister back. Do you know the way in?"

"Yes." The girl--or maybe she's a woman? He can't tell. She seems like a girl--looks at him, small blue eyes probing him. He feels like she can see his fucking _soul_. "Give me one reason," she says. "One real reason you want your sister back. And I'll help you."

Bellamy considers; Freddie Mercury wants him to touch his world with his fingertips, which seems kind of weird, but Freddie Mercury was a fucking badass, so Bellamy isn't going to argue. He'd do basically anything Freddie Mercury asked him to, no questions asked.

"I was fourteen when she was born," he says, looking down at his hands. "My mom didn't have health insurance, so she just had Octavia at home, with me and one of her friends helping. And she was so tired after, she didn't even want to hold her. She gave her to me, and said I could name her. And I did." He clenches his fist. "I'm not saying I'm the best brother ever, but--I've been taking care of her since the day she was born, and I'm not going to stop now."

The song ends, and it switches over to "Another One Bites the Dust," which feels ominous.

"Okay," says the girl. "Come on. I'll show you how to get in."

He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Thank you." 

"Whatever. Can I see your music box?"

It takes him a minute to figure it out. "My iPhone?"

"Yeah, that."

He fishes it out of his jeans and gives it to her, watching as she turns it over in her hands with open wonder. He guesses if he was a weird monster thing living in a desert hellscape killing weeds for fun, an iPhone would be pretty fucking cool.

"So, are you a goblin?" he asks, even though he's pretty sure she's not.

"No," she says, like he is an idiot. "I'm a dwarf. Obviously."

"Yeah, no idea how I missed that one." He pauses. "Is the Goblin Queen a goblin?"

"No, she's just their queen." She stops in front of a gnarled tree and taps on one of the knots, and there's a strange creaking noise, a moment of unreality, and then she and Bellamy are standing at the entrance to the labyrinth.

"How was I supposed to figure that out?" he grumbles.

"You weren't," says the girl. "What, you thought this was supposed to be _fair_?"

"Great." He offers her a sheepish smile. "So, what are you doing for the next twelve hours and twenty-nine minutes?"

She snorts. "Not hanging out watching you get lost, that's for sure."

"Yeah, okay." He offers his hand. "Thanks for your help anyway. I'm Bellamy, by the way."

She looks at his hand for a minute, like she thinks it might bite her, but then she shakes. Her hand is small and rough, like Octavia after a summer spent climbing trees. "Clarke," she says. "I hope you find her."

"Yeah," he says, looking up at the immense gate. "Me too."

*

An hour later, he's starting to wish he'd brought the stupid _book_ instead of the bat. Not that the book really had many details that seem relevant here--there was no mention of special knots on trees or talking worms or dwarves who like Queen--but there might have been _something_. A picture he hadn't noticed before. A hint he didn't realize was a hint. He should have brought chalk or bread crumbs or yarn.

For all he's spent his life reading adventure stories, he wasn't particularly prepared to live one. He didn't even grab a granola bar.

He's at a fork, looking between two apparently identical paths, when the Goblin Queen appears, sitting on top of the wall. She's wearing a different leotard--green, this time, instead of blue--and the rest of her outfit is coordinated accordingly. There's a green streak in her hair and everything. 

"Are you shorter than I am?" he asks.

She looks kind of startled, which--okay, it was kind of a weird question. But she's always on top of things when he sees her, like she wants to make sure he has to look up to her.

"What?"

"Just curious."

"Of course I'm shorter than you, it's--girls are usually shorter than boys," she says, scowling. Then she sobers again. Bellamy hides his grin. "How are you enjoying my labyrinth?"

"It's fine," says Bellamy. "Honestly, I was expecting more minotaurs."

She falters again. "Are you complaining because there aren't enough monsters?"

"Well, I did bring the baseball bat. But so far all I've done is wander through some some corridors. In the book there's all this cool stuff like the ruined city and the stench bog and amnesia cave. This is like playing Doom, except there's nothing to shoot. Don't you have anything more interesting?"

She opens and closes her mouth a couple times, and then says, "You want interesting?" in her queen voice. She plucks a glass ball from nowhere and throws it at his feet, like she's throwing a bomb.

The ground beneath him opens up, and Bellamy finds himself falling, just like he hoped.

It might not get him closer to Octavia, but at least it's getting him _somewhere_.

He lands, uninjured, in a forest. There's a path that stretches as far as he can see in both directions, but he can see red stone in the distance in front of him.

It's as good a reason as any to go that way.

He's been going for about ten minutes when someone says, "I didn't expect you to be _here_."

He looks down and sees Clarke has fallen into step with him. 

"I'm full of surprises," he tells her, unable to keep from smiling. "Where am I? Relative to where you let me in."

"It doesn't really work like that."

"How does it work?"

She clucks her tongue. "Everything's close if you know how to get there."

"So, do you know how to get to the Goblin City?"

She gives him a hard look. "You wished your sister away."

"Not on purpose."

"How do you accidentally wish someone away?"

"This stuff isn't supposed to be real! If I'd known it would actually happen, I never would have done it." He rubs his face. "I wanted to hurt her, okay? I know that's awful, I know I'm a fucking _asshole_ , but it's true. It's been so hard since Mom died, and I was pissed at her, even though it's not her fault. But I'm the one who deserves to get punished for that, not her. I'm the one who screwed up."

Clarke's quiet for a long time, and Bellamy feels his neck getting hot. It's a lot to dump on some random dwarf who didn't even ask for this. She was just the first person he saw who could help him.

He's about to apologize when she says, "We're not far from the ruins. There's a shortcut in there, it'll take you to the outskirts of the city."

"Yeah?" he asks, letting hope creep into his voice.

"You're right, you're the asshole here. I'm doing this for your sister."

He laughs. "That's cool. I am too."

He gets Queen going again, since she seemed to like it, but his curiosity gets the better of him soon enough. He doesn't want to bother her or anything, but--this is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"So, what are the demographics here like?"

"The what?"

"I'm looking for the Goblin City, but you're a dwarf, so it's clearly not _just_ goblins living here. And I met a talking worm earlier. Plus the Goblin Queen, who is also not a goblin. So does she rule everyone here? Is she in charge of you?"

To his surprise, Clarke bursts out laughing. It's a nice sound, less gruff than her usual voice, bright and musical. 

"You're seriously asking about the racial makeup of the labyrinth?"

"I'm not planning to ever wish my sister away again, so yeah. This is my chance to learn more about probably the only magical world I'm ever going to visit. And it's not like we're doing anything else."

She's still smiling as she starts explaining.

*

He has just over eleven hours left when they make it to the ruined city, which is _awesome_.

"Fuck, I wish I wasn't on a deadline," he says, running his hand over one of the stones. "This would be so cool if I wasn't worried my sister was going to get killed."

"The Queen wouldn't hurt her," says Clarke, sounding vaguely offended. "She takes the children to save them, you know."

"How do you figure?" he asks, picking his way across a pile of rubble.

"Would you want to stay with someone who wished you were gone?"

He offers her his hand as she crosses behind him, a little less steady on her feet than he is. It's not surprising; she is kind of weirdly shaped. "Okay, that might have been a valid argument like eight hundred years ago," he says. "But I'm pretty sure anyone who says it these days is joking."

"Or angry."

"Or angry," he grants. "But--it was still kind of a joke. Not, like, ha ha funny, but--I was picking on her. It wasn't okay, I'm not saying it was okay, but--it's not something you say when you really want someone to go away."

They move through the ruins in silence for a few minutes before she asks, "When did your mother die?"

"It's been about six months," he says. "Her dad's never been in the picture, neither has mine, so--I was all she had." It's probably weird, he thinks, how easy it is to talk to her. Maybe it's just because she's literally unreal. She's a dwarf. For all he knows, he's having a really lucid dream or a psychotic break or something. And, really, who's she going to tell? "I didn't even think about it," he admits. "I've always taken care of her, so of course I was going to get custody and raise her. But it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Even when our mom wasn't doing much, she was around. I could go out on dates and stuff. Go to parties."

"You could just give up," Clarke says, but it doesn't sound like a suggestion, exactly. She doesn't seem to think he will. "The Queen would treat her well. Like I said, it's not bad, being a goblin."

"No way," he says. "She's my sister. I'm not letting anything happen to her." He considers. "Tell me about the Queen." He feels a little like he's back in high school, asking for intel on his crush, but it's really not like that. She's just weirdly hot. For an eighties rock wannabe. And endearing, when she forgets she's supposed to be imposing.

Clarke gives him a wary look that suggests she also thinks it sounds like he wants to gossip about the hot girl in their math class. "What about her?"

"I don't know. You're the one who's saying she's not so bad. Why not?"

She considers the question. "How does she seem to you?" 

"Young," he says without thinking, and Clarke actually looks offended. "Not--just inexperienced."

"What are you even comparing her to? How many times have you had your sister stolen?"

"Jesus, sorry, I wasn't trying to offend you." He shoots her a grin. "You're right, this is my first magical kidnapping. She just seems--I don't know. She's trying very hard to do this right. It's cute."

" _Cute_?" she asks. "You think the Goblin Queen is _cute_?"

This seems like a better thing to admit to than thinking she's kind of weirdly hot in ways he's not entirely comfortable with, so he shrugs. "Kind of, yeah."

"She stole your sister!"

"Yeah, but I did ask her to." He looks around. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Through here," says Clarke, still scowling a little. "You know the Queen is dangerous, right? Very dangerous. Very powerful."

"Yeah, I figured."

"She's not a puppy."

He laughs. "I get it, okay? I'm sorry I said I think your Queen is cute. She's really intimidating. Forget I said anything."

" _Cute_ ," Clarke mutters, and leads him into the cave.

It goes pretty well, at first. The cave is dark and wet and pretty creepy, but Clarke knows her way around, and Bellamy finally gets some use out of his bat, clearing out cobwebs and miscellaneous weird hanging things. But then the noise starts.

It's not any kind of noise Bellamy can really identify. It's kind of a whirring growl, like a spinning, mechanical dog. It is not the sound of anything he ever wants to encounter. It is the sound of something that wants to murder him. With whirring bits.

"You hear that, right?" he asks Clarke.

"Yeah." She glances around. "Run."

He tries to get her hand, so they won't get separated, but she's shot off ahead of him, surprisingly quickly, given how short her legs are. He's mostly keeping up , but it's dark and she's fast, and then, without warning, the ground gives way beneath him again, and it's like he's nowhere, floating somewhere outside of reality.

He lands in a ballroom. Everything is--still really eighties, honestly. He's wearing a tux, but it has _ruffles_. He looks less cool than he did at his junior prom, which is saying something, because he bought his suit for that at fucking Goodwill.

He wants to ask if everyone is aware it's 2015, but his mouth doesn't work. There's music playing, as if there's a sound system somewhere, but more than that; it feels like it's going directly into his brain. He goes for his phone, to see if he can try to fight it with his own music, but apparently his tux doesn't have his phone in it.

There's a reason he needs his phone. Not just for music. There's something--

And then the crowd parts, and the Goblin Queen is there. He knows it's her, even though she looks different. She's softer around all her edges. Her hair tumbles over her shoulders in soft, golden waves, and she's wearing a dress, not the leotard. It's gigantic and poofy and has these weird eighties sleeves, but it's--pretty.

 _She's_ pretty, and he's glad he's not just into her when she's in her weird leotard/cape/cravat ensemble, because he'd have to kind of worry about himself, if that was a thing.

Her face lights up when she sees him, blooming into a perfect smile, like she's been waiting for him her whole life. Eighteen, he thinks. She cannot be older than eighteen. It's really a lot like prom.

He's standing in front of her before he even realizes it, the way things happen in dreams. _Dreams_ , yeah. That's what this feels like. Everything is blurred around the edges, and Clarke is--

Clarke isn't here. He lost her in the cave.

The Goblin Queen holds out her hand, and Bellamy tries to remember the cave. They were in the cave, and they were going somewhere.

Where's his phone? His phone is important. His phone--

There's a crystal ball in the Goblin Queen's open palm, an invitation. He doesn't know what she's inviting him to, but he knows--

He needs his phone, because his phone knows how long he has left.

He has to get to Octavia.

The moment shatters, and his head is clear again. He doesn't know where he is, but it's not where he needs to be. He has to get his sister.

He turns away from the Queen and looks around the room, trying to find the exit. Like in a dream, it doesn't feel like a real place, so he just makes for the edge, pushing through the ever-thickening crowd of people. It feels almost like he's trying to swim through honey, stuck in something thick and inescapable. But he has to get out.

It's not exactly a wall he finds, but something more like a bubble, a clear barrier. He somehow still has the bat, so he--

"See, he's alive. I told you. They turn blue when they die."

"That's not til later, dumbass. They have to be dead for a while."

Bellamy rubs his face and sits up. His head is pounding.

"Dude, watch out," says the male voice. He's the one who thought Bellamy would be blue if he was dead. "Don't hit us."

He forces his eyes opens and sees two small people hovering around eye level. They have wings.

"Fairies?" he guesses.

"That's not bad for someone who just fell out of the amnesia cave," says the female. She's dark and lovely, even if she's only the size of his forearm. "You know who you are?"

"Bellamy."

"I'll take your word for it. You know where you are?"

"No, but I didn't know to begin with." He wets his lips. "I need to get to the Goblin City. In--" He checks his phone and swears. "Fuck. Seven hours."

The female fairy flits over his shoulder. "What's that?"

"iPhone."

"How is it keeping count?" she asks, leaning in to watch the seconds tick down, fascinated.

"Computer."

"What's computer?"

Bellamy considers her. "Can you get me to the Goblin City in under seven hours?"

The fairies exchange a look. "Five."

"Great." He shakes out his shoulders and reclaims his baseball bat. Just in case. "I'll explain on the way."

*

The female fairy is Raven and the male is Wick. They're both very curious about his phone, and his general explanation of technology. It seems like a shame they're stuck here; they'd love his world.

"So what's in the Goblin City?" asks Wick. They're riding on his shoulders, unused to going such long distances and not wanting to tire out their wings. It's kind of companionable.

He still misses Clarke.

"My sister is there."

"Why?" asks Raven, in a tone that suggests you couldn't pay her to hang out in the Goblin City.

"I told them to take her."

"Holy shit, you wished your sister away? I didn't think anyone did that anymore." 

"I didn't think anyone did that anymore the last time," Wick adds.

"When was the last time?"

"Like--sixteen years ago? Something like that."

"That's honestly a lot more recently than I expected," he says. "Left or right?"

"Left."

He worries his lip. "The last kid who got wished away. Did they--whoever did it, did they solve the labyrinth? Get them back?"

There's a long pause, and then Wick says, "No. They didn't. The King kept the kid."

It was the King, back then. Not that it's a surprise. The Queen would have just been a kid herself back then.

"Totally unrelated question, how do you feel about stench?" Raven asks, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Uh. Not great."

"So if your choice was not getting to your sister in time or going through something called _The Bog of Eternal Stench_ , you would say...?" says Wick.

"You couldn't have mentioned this earlier?" Bellamy asks.

"Hey, we have to go through there too. It's not like you're suffering alone."

"Besides," Raven adds. "I wanted to see the phone. If we didn't have a good way to get you to the city, I didn't get to see the phone. You kind of brought it on yourself."

"I brought all of this on myself," he admits, sighing. "I did get my sister kidnapped by goblins. But, uh--seriously. How much stink are we talking here?"

There's a pause long enough to make Bellamy very, very nervous.

"It's maybe better that you don't know," Wick says finally.

"Great. Thanks."

He doesn't think, when he smells it, that they could have possibly prepared him for it adequately anyway. It stinks in a way he didn't know was possible. It stinks like nothing he has ever smelled before. It is the worst place he has ever been, and he wants to tell Raven and Wick he hates them, but he's afraid if he opens his mouth, he will vomit. It probably wouldn't even make the smell noticeably worse than it already is, but it wouldn't improve his life.

The closer they get, the worse it is. It's for Octavia, he tells himself. It's for Octavia. If he doesn't get through this, she's going to be stuck forever in a place that _has_ something that smells like this. He cannot do that to his sister.

When they come out of the woods and face the bog full on, he _still_ nearly throws up. It's brown and bubbling and honestly he knows he fucked up, but he does not deserve this.

Once he's sure he can open his mouth without throwing up, he says, "How do we get across?"

"There used to be a bridge," says Raven, sounding just as choked as he does. "Do you see a bridge?"

"No, just--fucking stink."

"Oh fuck, I can't even think," says Wick. "Just go around."

"Around takes too long!" Raven snaps.

"If we don't come up with a plan in five minutes I'm going to throw up on you guys," Bellamy says. "Just a warning."

"I knew you couldn't be left alone," says a voice at his elbow, and he actually finds himself _grinning_. Even with the goddamn stench.

Clarke gives him half a smile. "You _fell_ ," she says.

"There wasn't a floor anymore!" He leans down to put his arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. "Fuck, I'm glad to see you. Do you know how to get across this?"

"Yes, come on." She gives him a small, amused smile, and he feels so much better, it's unreal. "My way would have been better."

"The floor collapsed!"

"Yet you still have your stupid baseball bat."

"Well, there could be monsters! And it got me out of the weird--amnesia dream thing."

"Sure it did," she says, shaking her head. She takes his free hand in hers, pulling him toward the bog, and Bellamy lets optimism creep in, instead of just stench and exhaustion. He's going to actually do this. He's going to make it.

*

"How much longer?" Bellamy asks Clarke. Raven and Wick are asleep, Raven draped over the back of his neck and Wick tucked into the crook of his arm. It's like having kind of creepy kittens on him.

"An hour," says Clarke, squinting up at the sky. "We just have to--" She yawns hugely. "Just have the Field of Fireflies to get through."

"Is that gonna smell terrible or try to murder me?"

"No. It's actually kind of pretty."

"Yeah?"

"It's not all bad," Clarke says, looking down. "There's--there are a lot of good things here, you know. Not just bogs and caves and--"

"I know," Bellamy says. He offers her a smile. "I wish I could come back to visit the ruins. And I liked the woods. We don't live near much of anything nice, just--shitty city stuff. It's cool to be out in--nature. Even if it's weird nature."

"It's also better when the Goblin Queen isn't fucking with you."

He laughs. "Honestly, that part's kind of fun. Although she's been quiet for a while. I guess I got myself to the stupid bog, so she didn't have to do anything. And I don't know if--" He flushes. "That might have just been a dream. Or the amnesia cave or whatever."

"It was probably her," says Clarke. She yawns again. "She likes meddling."

Bellamy checks his phone. Three more hours.

"We could take a nap," he says. "For like, forty-five minutes. Half an hour. I've got an alarm."

"I want to get through the Field of Fireflies first," says Clarke. "Then we can take a nap." She tugs his hand. "Come on, it's not much farther."

They come out of the woods and it looks like the ground is covered in stars, the whole earth glowing pale and perfect. Bellamy stops, breath catching in his throat. It's--

"Wow," he breathes.

"I told you," she says. "There are plenty of good things."

"This is almost worth the stink," he says. "Why are they--what happened? Where do they come from?"

Clarke shrugs one shoulder. "I don't know. It's magic."

They stand together for a long minute, looking across the vast expanse of flickering insects, and then Clarke tugs him gently. As they walk, the fireflies rise up around them, painting their skin with strange patterns of light.

He wishes Octavia were here to see it.

When they get through the field, they're at the outskirts of the city. He can see the walls, and he has two hours, eighteen minutes to figure out how to get in and find his sister.

"Half an hour," he says tells Clarke. "Power nap."

"Are you really going to wake up?" she asks, dubious. "If you don't--"

"You don't know what sounds my phone can make to wake me up." He yawns. "Half an hour. I'll wake up. Trust me, I'm not going to miss my deadline because I'm sleeping, but if I don't take a nap, I'm going to fall asleep on the Goblin Queen. And that would be embarrassing."

"It's your life," says Clarke, but when he settles against a tree, she joins him, resting her head against his shoulder.

He feels like he barely closed his eyes before his alarm is blaring, playing some horrific song from _Arthur_ that Octavia made him buy for her. It's his _you are waking up because if you don't this song will play again in two minutes_ song, and it works.

"What the fuck!" says Raven.

"Time to rise and shine and find my sister," he says, shutting off the alarm. Wick makes a rude gesture at him, which is mostly just adorable. They're so tiny.

"I didn't want to rise or shine, fuck you," Raven grumbles, but Bellamy's not really listening.

"Clarke?" he calls. There's no sign of her anywhere. "Hey, Clarke!"

"She's inside," says Raven, looking at him like he's lost his mind. "Why the fuck are you calling her out?"

"What?" He frowns. "Why would she be inside?"

Raven and Wick exchange a look. "Who are you looking for?"

"Clarke. You know, the dwarf. She was just here. She was--"

"I don't know about the dwarf," says Wick, slowly. "But if you're yelling for Clarke outside the gates of the Goblin City, you're not going to get your friend. You're going to get the Queen."

"The Queen," Bellamy repeats slowly.

"Yeah," says Raven. "Queen Clarke."

*

Bellamy has one hour and forty-five minutes to find his sister, which means he absolutely does not have time to think about Clarke and the Goblin Queen and the possibility that they are the same person. He has other shit to do.

But he can't just _not_ think about it, because it feels important. It feels like part of what he's supposed to be doing, like he can't save Octavia unless he understands what's happening. Because--Clarke helped him, right? She's the one who let him into the labyrinth, she's the one who--okay, so the cave didn't work out, but he doesn't think she planned that one. Whatever happened to them there, he thinks it was just random chaos, not malice.

And she said the Queen was meddling in his dream. So that would have been her, in the gown, offering him--he still doesn't know what she was offering. But she was there waiting for him in her gown. And Clarke helped him across the bog, and she wanted him to see those fireflies.

She wanted him to see those before he went to sleep, because she knew she was leaving.

"Fuck," he says, because he is really, really failing at concentrating on the matter at hand. Granted, he's just watching Raven pick the lock on the gate--with her fucking _arm_ , she's really hardcore--but still. He should be focused on Octavia.

"What?" asks Wick.

"Just--fuck." He rubs his face. "How is she the Goblin Queen?"

"She probably just wanted to fuck with you," says Raven. "She's in your head. Hell yeah!" she adds, as the gate swings open.

"She was already in my head," Bellamy mutters. "She's fucking--god. If they're both Clarke, I'm fucked."

"I can confirm they are absolutely both Clarke," says Raven. "Everyone knows Clarke is the Goblin Queen. That's her name."

"I didn't know!"

"Well, you just got here, what, eleven-and-a-half hours ago?" asks Wick.

Bellamy checks his phone. "Yeah," he says. "Shit."

The Goblin Queen is fucking with him, and he honestly wants to let her. But he has to get his sister first.

Wick pats him on the cheek, which feels kind of like getting poked with a q-tip. Interacting with mythical creatures is weird. "Girls, man," he says, and takes off after Raven.

Inside the Goblin City, it's quiet, which sets him on edge. It's the middle of the night, sure, but there should be _something_.

"In the book, there's a climactic battle here. The heroine needs all the friends she's made to help her beat the King's forces," he tells the fairies.

"Good thing you aren't having one," Raven says. "You only made two friends."

"I made three!" he protests. "The last one just left."

"And might be the Goblin Queen."

"Yeah." He worries his lip. "I think she's still my friend."

Maybe there's no fight because Clarke wants him to win. Because that was what she kept asking, wasn't it? She wanted to know he really wanted Octavia back, that he hadn't meant it. Or that he hasn't _really_ meant it. And he thinks he convinced her, so if that's true, maybe she'll let him just march into the castle and take his sister home, like he's picking her up from a very long and fucked up play date.

But he knows the end of this story. They both have more lines.

"Okay," he says, looking up at the castle. "I think this is the part where I have to go alone. Hero's journey or whatever. You're always alone in the end."

Raven and Wick exchange a look. "Sure," Wick says. 

"Call us if you need us," Raven adds. And just like that, he's alone.

He checks his phone--one hour left.

If it's not down to the wire, it's not a good adventure. That's how it works. If you could just do it in ten minutes, everyone would win.

He pushes the castle door open and sees it's a labyrinth in its own right, all winding corridors and dead ends.

He shakes his head and starts running.

*

He finds Clarke in half an hour, in a room full of impossible Escher stairs. He can see the illustration of it in his head, and when he peers over the of the landing, he sees Octavia at the bottom, just like in the book. His heart lodges in his throat. She looks fine, safe. She's _coloring_.

"Hey, O!" he calls, knowing she won't hear him.

"Welcome to my castle," Clarke says, all regal condescension, and it has to mean something, right? How easy it is to think of her as Clarke, how natural it feels. She's in black and silver now, and he still thinks it's unfairly hot, considering it's still the kind of outfit that happens because the eighties vomited on something, but there's all this fucking _fondness_ too, this giddy, stupid feeling bubbling up in his chest.

She's not just the Goblin Queen. She's _Clarke_.

"It's fucked up," he says, and yawns. "Sorry, I'm still pretty beat. I'm gonna sit down."

He takes a seat on the landing, right over his sister. He toes off one of his shoes and lets it drop onto the ground next to her; she startles and looks up, and he waves. Octavia beams and waves back, and then taps her wrist, like she knows he's getting close to his deadline. He gives her a thumbs up.

"You only have--"

"I know," he says. He pats the floor next to him. "Come on, Clarke."

He hears her sharp intake of breath, and then she's sitting next to him, hugging her knees against her chest. It's kind of a ridiculous pose, just because of the cape and the boots and her whole look. If she was wearing pajamas, it would feel pretty cozy.

"How long have you--"

"Raven and Wick couldn't figure out why I was yelling for the Goblin Queen outside the gates of the Goblin City, like an idiot." He pauses. "But I think I kind of knew before. I thought--in that dream in the amnesia cave, I thought you were there. Clarke, I mean. But then I saw the Goblin Queen and talked myself out of it." He pauses. "This is where you try to convince me to give up, right?"

"Yeah." She considers him and then adds, "This is where my mom gave up. She took the Goblin King instead."

"They retired to Florida and left you the kingdom?" he asks. It's not as much of a surprise as it maybe should be. Sixteen years ago, she would have been one or two, at his guess. Not a good age for stressed-out parents.

"Basically." She shifts a little closer to him. "I still see her, they're around sometimes. But the goblins mostly raised me. My dad died in car crash when I was six months old and I think all the stress just kind of broke her. She didn't know how to be a mom, so--"

"So you got raised by an eighties movie montage?"

She laughs a little. "Shut _up_."

He puts his arm around her and kisses her temple. She's the Goblin Queen and she could destroy him with a thought, but she's _so fucking cute_. "So, does the Goblin King or Queen always offer to love whoever wishes away their kid? Because that's fucked up? What if I was old, or gross, or a girl? Not your type?"

"Who says you're not gross?" she teases. "And I like girls too."

"Okay, but I'm definitely not old."

"No." She shrugs. "I don't know. This is my first one. And I figured you were an asshole, but--you weren't."

"Plus I'm hot."

"And so modest."

"Exactly. I'm the whole package." He rests his chin on her hair. "You have lines, right? Offer me shit."

"It was going to be really dramatic. My cape was going to billow. I had the boombox cued up for backup music."

"You still have a _boombox_?"

"I don't really keep up with current technology, okay? We can't all get magical music phones from Star Trek." 

"Yeah, but--sixteen years ago was 1999. I'm pretty sure you could do better than a boombox even back then." He tugs her in, wanting her closer. He's going to have to let go soon. 

They sit like that until there are only ten minutes left; he knows, because his phone starts blaring "The Final Countdown," way too loud in the quiet of the strange room.

"Okay," he says. "Showtime."

Clarke licks her lips. "I ask for so little," she says, soft. Bellamy's heart lurches, even though he was expecting it. He's known this part for what feels like his whole life. "Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."

"Most of that sounds really shitty," he points out. "Fear isn't really the basis of a healthy relationship, even if you do have tons of goblin magic and could kick my ass. I still shouldn't be afraid of you. And I don't want you to be my slave, that's fucked up. Also, I don't see how you can be my slave if I'm doing as you say. It doesn't really work both ways. But I could live with the loving you part. Except, you know. Octavia."

"I know."

"I'm sorry." He lets out a breath. "Okay. Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered--"

"I went easy on you."

"I have made my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen--"

"You asked me to take her!"

"I didn't write the book." He strokes his thumb against her shoulder. "For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great--"

"You know we don't _have_ to use the exact lines."

"Do you know how many times I've read that book to Octavia? It would be harder to come up with my own material. Besides, how many more chances am I gonna get to do this?"

"As many as you want. You could get your sister kidnapped every night. She had fun. You can ask her."

"I guess trying to do a speed run might be cool," he says. "But honestly, I'd rather just see you without a deadline."

"Oh."

There's thunder rolling in the background, a storm brewing outside, and even without the billowing cape and the boombox, it's a fucking dramatic moment. Despite their best efforts.

"You have no power over me," he says, and kisses her as the castle falls apart around them.

*

Octavia throws herself into his arms as soon as they're back on her bed. Bellamy catches her and clings back just as tightly, burying his face in her hair. He didn't think he'd lose her, not really, couldn't even imagine not getting her back, but--fuck, what if he hadn't? He still can't really comprehend it.

"You saved me from the Goblin Queen!"

"I also got you kidnapped in the first place, so it's kind of a wash."

"Come on, Bell, that's _so cool_! I got kidnapped by goblins! And you had an adventure, right? And fell in love with the Goblin Queen and everything. You have to admit, that's _awesome_."

Bellamy can't help laughing, even though his chest aches a little. "Yeah, okay, it's awesome. Just tell everyone it was a weird dream you had if you have to talk about it, okay?"

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not an idiot."

"I know." He squeezes her once more before he lets her go. "You know I didn't--I didn't really want you gone."

"I know," she says. "The Queen asked me about it a lot. She wanted to make sure you really wanted me back."

"She asked me too, yeah."

"Why didn't you get her instead? You could have. That's how it works."

"Because I'd feel like an asshole for the rest of my life if I gave up my sister for a date," he says, rolling her eyes. Octavia always wants Sarah to stay in the labyrinth and be the Goblin Queen at the end. She's totally going to write fanfiction about it when she's older. "Besides, she's magic, right? If she wants to come see me, she can."

"I liked her," Octavia declares. "She braided my hair, see? And we watched some VHS tapes," she adds, like she's proud for knowing what they're called.

"She really needs to update her entertainment systems," Bellamy grumbles, but he's smiling. "I liked her too, yeah. Now," he says, pulling his thoughts away from Clarke. "I think we could do one more story, if you still want one. But maybe a different one. Something with puppies."

Octavia grins. "Okay. Something with puppies."

*

When he finally makes it back to his room, Clarke is sitting on the foot of his bed. She's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, looking like a normal human who came from this century, and he's frozen for a long second, just staring at her.

"You forgot this," she says, holding up his baseball bat. "You seemed kind of attached to it."

That's enough to get his legs working, and he crosses the room and takes her face in his hands, leaning down to kiss her again, too fucking happy to manage anything like finesse or technique. It's just clacking teeth and tongues and both of them smiling way too much, and he pulls back to grin at her once he realizes the kissing thing isn't quite working.

"What happened to the leotard?" he asks.

"It's kind of itchy." She smirks. "Don't tell me you liked it."

"I like you."

"You liked the leotard," she teases. "You were totally into it. I knew it was an awesome look."

He pushes her gently back onto the bed, crowding on top of her. "I'm really hoping it's just you. I just got a new girlfriend, I don't want to have to tell her I've got an eighties hair metal fetish until we've been dating for a while. That's the kind of thing you ease into."

"I'm the Goblin Queen," she says, amused. "I don't date."

"But there's so much cool new stuff to check out. Blu-Ray. DVR. 3D movies are back. There's a new Star Wars coming out in December."

She laughs and runs her hands up his back, under his t-shirt. "I have cool stuff too, you know."

"I know. Octavia totally wants to go back and visit too." He noses her jaw. "I like your kingdom. I want to see more." A thought occurs to him, and he grins. "So, wait, if this works out, do I get to be the Goblin King?" 

Clarke grins back. "That depends. How do you feel about uncomfortably tight spandex pants?"

"Good," he says, and kisses her again. "Really, really good."


End file.
